7 Things you shouldn’t say at my funeral (or anyone else’s?)

Note: Time for another personal blog entry! I’m not dying (or at least that’s what I know) so no need to worry about me. Just felt like posting another entry under my 2 AM Thoughts tab since this is the only hour that I get some peace. Thoughts and opinions (no matter how morbid they may seem) are solely mine and does not reflect that of my community, employers, yadda yadda yadda.

I’ve already been to a lot of funerals and as I grow older, I start to become less sad about the thought of “death”. I think one of the things about growing up is that you get to accept that life is fleeting and death is everyone’s endgame regardless how early or how late it arrives. In fact, despite being heartbroken about a friend or family member’s “untimely death”, I find myself still getting slightly annoyed at a couple of words or phrases that I usually hear during such times. To be honest, I’m expecting to hear some of those lines at my funeral (if my soul can still hear ’em, who knows what happens after our physical bodies die) so I’m making a list as early as now for everyone’s reference.

If I hear any of these, I swear I’ll haunt you in one way or another to give you a piece of my mind… in case this post isn’t enough.

1. “Pahinga ka na.” (Rest now)

This is kinda okay, EXCEPT if you’re one of the reasons why the departed wasn’t able to properly rest during his/her time on Earth. I usually hear this from an annoying relative, self-proclaimed “friend”, or a bossy workmate’s eulogy. Like duh, is there any other choice now? Why tell a dead person to rest when you took that opportunity from them when they were alive?

I would turn in my grave if I hear something like this.

2. “Sayang, ang bata pa niya.” (What a loss, s/he’s still young)

First of all, I don’t think anyone’s life on Earth – albeit being short, is worthy of the word “sayang“. Sure, s/he could’ve done greater things if given more time but at least for me, I’m personally sure that I’ve treasured every single minute of my life that I can even though majority of that is spent on things that I’d rather not do. So yeah, why say “sayang” when you’ve spent so many happy memories with the deceased? How about a positive and consoling “I’m grateful for the moments you spent with us” instead?

3. “Sayang, di man lang nabigyan ng apo ang mommy/daddy nya.” (Too bad, s/he wasn’t able to have kids)

An evolved version of #2. The worse kind. Not everyone who dies would want to raise a child in this cruel world. It’s not “sayang” when that means another child will be left behind, growing up with a mom/dad… that needs to be constantly visited at the cemetery for #prayers. UNLESS the deceased and his/her significant other badly wants one.

In my case, I already have cats (TBH, better than kids -IMO) and I show their photos to my parents as often as I can. I wouldn’t want to raise a child in this lifetime and I’m pretty sure my parents know that – so no, save these statements for someone else.

4. “Sorry for <BS explanations>”

I absolutely hate people who apologize to a dead person. You had all the time to send an SMS, an email, a chat, a Tweet, give a call, or even write a letter when s/he was still alive. Why apologize to a corpse? Because it gives you the peace you need? Have you considered the peace that you failed to give the deceased when they could still hear/read your apology?

Save your drama, I want my funeral to be BS-free.

5. “Bakit mo kami iniwan?” (Why did you leave us?)

The reason would be pretty obvious since hospitals/morgues provide a clear cause of death. It’s weird to want someone to stay on Earth when that means prolonged agony for their part. I don’t think we’re entitled to question why a person wasn’t able to hold on to his/her life for a very long time if it involves natural / physical causes. If it was me inside the casket, know that my answer to your question is already written on my death certificate. (Let go, set me free, ok?)

6. “Ayan kasi, inom nang inom/puyat lagi/some other reason that may have contributed to the death

People are aware of the choices they make. In my part, it’s because those things make me happy – staying up late to do things I really love after a stressful day, drinking to make my heavy thoughts go away, etc. Pointing out the obvious until a person’s interment won’t make the dead rise up from the grave nor will it make you a good person. Don’t attend a funeral if you only want to use their case as a reminder of what not to do in life. It ruins the mood.

7. “Kawawa naman si <whoever was left behind>

Instead of announcing how much you pity someone, how about offering help for a change? Let your actions do the talking. Those who are genuinely grieving don’t need to hear how weak you think they are. In my case, people who are close to me are well aware of  what’s going on in my mind. I believe they won’t deserve to be called “kawawa” just because my life was cut short. I’d like to think that the people around me are strong and smart enough to continue living.

Sorry for being a sourpuss, I just feel like if COVID-19 won’t kill me soon, stress and the incompetence of a lot of people around me will. If not, it’s fine, this is my blog, my thoughts, my preferences but yeah, I swear I’d haunt anyone who mentions any of the things on this list. This isn’t an effect of the quarantine period. I’ve always been prepared to die – but not in a bloody or painful way (this is a different story). Dying peacefully in my sleep sounds better. 

That’s all, stay positive if you can (but not of COVID)! Don’t be a burden to others and always check on people you care about. <3 Love love love. Hope everything I listed ~kinda~ made sense.

(Thumbnail from ‘Umbrella Academy’ / Netflix, no copyright infringement intended. Article not related with the series in case I need to point out the obvious.)

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